


To Face Your Worst Fears

by HighWarlockIvy



Category: Shadowhunters
Genre: Curses, Desperate Magnus Bane, Hurt Magnus Bane, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Self Harm, Temporary Character Death, Trigger Warnings, Worried Alec Lighwood, attempted suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-21 10:03:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11355189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HighWarlockIvy/pseuds/HighWarlockIvy
Summary: Zane watched Magnus slide down the wall and onto the ground, completely limp. Zane just stared at him for moment before he looked up, as if speaking to the heavens. "I'll have our vengeance, my son. He will suffer."He looked back down at Magnus, and leaned down to whisper in his ear, though he knew the older warlock was out cold and couldn't hear. "You will suffer, Bane. You will suffer while you watch the one you love the most die, over and over and over again."You will know my pain."Finally, he began chanting, his hands glowing while he set the curse.





	To Face Your Worst Fears

**Author's Note:**

> This wasn't my idea, but given to me by a very sweet person on Tumblr: forgivenalec 
> 
> I hope you enjoy. This one was a doozy!
> 
> Trigger warnings for: suicide, self harm
> 
> VERY DESCRIPTIVE PARAGRAPH OF SELF HARM PLEASE BEWARE I LOVE YOU

They'd woken with smiles on their faces, facing each other and holding hands. The light peeked through Magnus' curtains, bringing only a little light into the room, making Alec's skin seem golden. Magnus smiled wider, not knowing how he'd gotten here.

Gotten to the point where he could be happy without any ounce of sadness weighing down in his heart. There had been many times he'd tried to make something work between him and another person; men, women, seelies, warlocks, werewolves, and many more. But it wasn't anything compared to what he had with Alexander. 

"I love you," Magnus whispered, his chest feeling light at Alec's bright smile. Magnus felt Alec's nose brush against his, and he chuckled quietly. 

"I love you, too," Alec said. 

Magnus pushed himself closer to Alec, smelling the scent of sandalwood like he always did and staring into his hazel eyes. Alec seemed to be staring too.

They did this almost every morning; hesitant to get out of bed and leave each other's side. Magnus had clients to deal with and Alec was head of the Institute. They both had their own responsibilities to cope with, and sadly, they had to cope without each other. 

They sent cute texts to each other throughout the day, and Magnus did enjoy them, but it wasn't like having his presence in the loft, or having him right at his side. 

He understood, however, just as Alec did.

"As much as I love this, Alexander," Magnus started with a soft voice. "We do need to get up for the day."

Alec made a mock pout with his lips. "No," he whined. Magnus smiled, attempting to get up, but Alec quickly grabbed him and pulling him back, both laughing. "I said no," Alec whined again.

Magnus looked over his shoulder, kissing Alec on the cheek. "I have a client in a while, Alexander, and you are head of the Institute. You kind of have to be there." 

Alec chuckled, looking sad too. "Okay," he finally broke, letting Magnus go, who pushed the covers off and hung his legs off the edge of the bed. Alec scooted over to Magnus, sitting next to him and mimicking his position. "Who is it?" Alec asked, referring to Magnus' client.

Magnus sighed, as if he wasn't excited about who it was. "A client I've had for a while now. He's not too happy with me."

Alec frowned. "Why?"

Magnus looked guilty then, and he felt Alec's hand touch his, which gave Magnus the strength he needed to speak. "You remember that Warlock I've been working with, Zane?"

Alec thought for a moment before realization came about his features. "The one with the sick son?"

Magnus nodded, licking his lips. "Zane adopted him when just a baby, who's also a Warlock. The boy's name is August. Zane adopted him in August, so he found it fitting," Magnus smiled sweetly, but also almost envious. 

Alec didn't really know what that look meant.

"Anyways," Magnus said, shaking his head. "Lately, August has been getting sick easily. And I mean human illness' sick. Which isn't normal for a Warlock. Zane came to me for help, but August just wasn't reacting well to my treatment. If anything, it made it worse."

"It's not your fault," Alec interrupted before Magnus could say what Alec knew he would say next. 

Magnus clenched his jaw before he finished. "Either way, the child died. Zane hasn't been answering my calls for months but he finally texted me the other day and asked to meet with me."

Alec looked cautious. "Why? He's not going to hurt you, is he?"

Magnus waved away Alec's concerns away with his hand, not looking concerned at all. "No, he wants to try to figure out what killed his son. I told him I'd help in any way I can. It's the least I can do."

"You speak as if it's your fault, Magnus," Alec spoke, voice gentle.

Magnus just shrugged. 

Alec was going to talk to him again, but his phone started ringing on the bedside table and Magnus reached for it, handing it to Alec. Alec thanked him and answered.

"Izzy, hey," he said, smiling. 

Magnus got up then, heading to the ensuite bathroom to brush his teeth. He heard Alec talking to his sister, but it wasn't anything important so he tuned it out.

He knew Alec said it wasn't his fault, but he couldn't push down the guilt gnawing at his skin. He hated guilt. If there was anything Magnus didn't want to feel, it's that. 

He was brushing his teeth when Alec came up behind him, hugging his waist and resting his chin on his shoulder. Magnus grabbed a cup with water and washed his mouth, turning around to wrap his arms around Alec's neck. 

"Is everything okay?" He asked, just make sure he didn't misunderstand the phone conversation.

Alec nodded. "Yeah, she just said I needed to stop cuddling you and come to the Institute."

Magnus smiled widely, raising his eyebrows mischievously. "And what did you say?"

Alec rolled his eyes playfully. "I told her to shove it."

Magnus laughed, shocked. "Alexander, that's not very nice."

Alec shrugged, leaning down to peck Magnus in the lips. "Will you be okay today?" Magnus didn't say anything, and he just nodded. Alec didn't look convinced, but he didn't want to push Magnus either. "Okay, well, I'm going to get dressed."

"I'll go make some breakfast," Magnus said, heading out of the bathroom. 

Alec's mocking voice made him turn around. "You mean you're going to conjure some food from your favorite breakfast bar down the street?"

Magnus narrowed his eyes, but not actually angry. "Shut up, they get their money."

He heard Alec laughing as he walked out the room and to the kitchen.

...

So what if he conjured food from the breakfast bar? It was good food and Alec seemed to really like it. 

They were sitting at the counter, both now dressed and ready for the day. Magnus had gotten some eggs, bacon, and pancakes for them to eat. They were really good, and he enjoyed eating breakfast with Alec. Although, to be fair, he enjoyed doing anything with Alec. 

Alec was continuously glancing away from his food to look at Magnus, who noticed but wasn't commenting on it. He knew Alec was worried about Zane coming, but Magnus really didn't think there was anything to worry about. Zane was very loyal, and he'd known Magnus for years. Magnus counted him as a friend more than a client anyways. 

Magnus had apologized to him repeatedly, but Zane never really said anything about it. He didn't expect him too. He'd just lost his son, and Magnus couldn't do anything to save him. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't save him. 

"Stop thinking about it," Alec's voice pulled Magnus out of his reverie. Magnus slid his eyes over to him, who was looking at Magnus with a scared look on his face.

Magnus blinked, looking back down at his plate. "Sorry," was all he said.

Alec scoot his chair closer to Magnus', putting a hand on his. "It's not your fault." Magnus took a deep breath. "Look at me," he said, and Magnus did. "You didn't kill that boy. Whatever it was that did, you fought it. You tried."

Magnus' voice was barely a whisper. "He was only twelve years old."

Alec looked sad at the news, but he didn't allow Magnus to feel guilty about it. "I'm sorry, Magnus. I know it's hard, but you can't always fix everything. Sometimes magic just can't fix it."

Magnus smiled a small smile. "I know," he nodded. "And yes, it's hard, but I know."

Alec smiled then too, kissing him softly and then taking both their plates to the sink. 

"Don't worry about that," Magnus said, standing up from the stool and meeting Alec at the sink. "I can do that later."

"You mean magic it away?" 

Magnus genuinely shook his head. "No,  
I like to do the dishes."

Alec looked incredulous. "You like to do the dishes?"

Magnus chuckled, hitting Alec on the chest playfully. "Shut up," he exclaimed.

"Why do you like to do the dishes?" Alec asked, blocking Magnus' fake hits.

Magnus shrugged, still smiling. "Sometimes when you're a Warlock, you like to do basic human things. Just so we remember we're still half human."

Alec's smile fell slightly. "That's a little sad," he said.

Magnus tilted his head, curious. "I guess, but not to a warlock."

Alec nodded, suddenly pulling Magnus into a hug. "Be careful today, Magnus."

Magnus wrapped his arms around him next. "I will, Alexander. Don't worry, Zane wouldn't hurt a fly."

Alec let him go then, kissing him softly, but then it turned into a hungry, desperate need to be close, and Alec gripped Magnus' waist. Magnus had a tight hold on Alec's shoulders, running his hands down his spine, and then back up to his shoulders. 

They released each other, gasping. "Wow," Magnus breathed out. "You should probably go before I rip all of your clothes off."

Alec laughed over his gasps, pushing his forehead into Magnus'. "Okay," he said. He kissed him one more time before finally retching himself away from his boyfriend. "I gotta go."

Magnus nodded, watching Alec head towards the door. "I love you," he called, Alec's hands on the knob. 

Alec stopped, turning around and looking at Magnus like he was the light of his world. "I love you, too."

They exchanged one more loving look before Alec finally found the strength to leave.

...

"Alec," Isabelle called, walking up to him as he entered the Institute. People were buzzing by, following their orders and getting things done. 

"Hey," he said. "Anything interesting?"

Isabelle shook her head. "Nope, everyone's just working on their own stuff. Jace and Clary are training."

Alec nodded. "Good. I actually have an announcement to make here in a little while."

Isabelle furrowed her brows, confused. "Really? What about?"

Alec sighed, thinking of Magnus. "It's just something Magnus told me this morning. He's been meeting with a client who had a son that suffered from an unusual illness. I just thought it would be a good idea to help the warlocks. Maybe we could dive into whatever the illness was. It would certainly bring Magnus some peace of mind."

Isabelle looked concerned then. "What's wrong with Magnus? He doesn't have it does he?" She was speaking nervously, and frantically. 

Alec quickly reassured her. "No, he's okay. Just... he feels guilty that he couldn't save the boy. His name was August. Magnus doesn't think it's anything contagious, but just in case, I want to inform the Shadowhunters."

Isabelle smiled proudly. "Look at you, trying to connect to the Downworld."

Alec blushed, looking away. "It's not a big deal, Izzy, I just want to help."

She put a hand on his shoulder, tilting her head, her long black hair falling over to the other side of her neck. "Either way, I'm proud of you, hermano."

He smiled proudly then too. "Can you spread the work of the announcement for me? I'll tell everyone in an hour or so."

"Sure thing, big brother."

"Thanks, Isabelle."

...

Magnus' nerves were on high. He was glad to be meeting with Zane, but at the same time, he was worried. Not because he thought Zane would hurt him, like he'd told Alec, he didn't think that would happen. But he couldn't push the guilt down no matter how much Alec told him not to be. 

It was hard. Zane came to him with a sweating, sick child in his arms begging for his help. Magnus promised he'd do everything he could. He'd learned many years ago to never promise that he could save anyone, but he can promise to do what he can. And he had, but it still wasn't enough.

Magnus hated not being enough. 

He was sitting on the couch fiddling with his ringed fingers when the doorbell rang. 

It was time.

He stood up, taking a deep breath and letting it go slowly. Finally, he worked up the courage to answer the door.

Zane was smiling sadly when he opened the door. He was tall with short brown hair and fish eyes (his demon mark). They were black in the middle, but had golden rings around the edges. Not just that, but he had a patch of scales around the right eye. 

He was paler than usual, dark circles under his eyes. It was evident he hadn't slept or eaten much in the past few months.

"Zane," Magnus greeted, putting a hand on his shoulder and guiding him inside, closing the door behind them. 

"Magnus," Zane's voice was hoarse when he spoke. "I'm glad to see you."

Magnus looked at him sadly, and they were just standing by the door awkwardly. "Me too, Zane. I-I have been calling you."

Zane looked down, as if guilty. "I know, I just... I couldn't answer."

Magnus blinked, breathing in sharply. "I understand."

It was silent for a moment before words were flowing from Magnus' lips.

"I'm so sorry, Zane. I'm sorry I couldn't save him. I'm sorry my magic wasn't strong enough-"

"Magnus," Zane interrupted, putting his hands on his shoulders. "Stop it. I don't blame you." Magnus tried to talk again, but Zane wasn't having it. "No, Magnus, you tried to save his life, now all I want to do is figure out what it is that killed him."

Magnus took a moment to collect himself, feeling Zane's hands leave his shoulders. He nodded, determined to make sure nothing like what happened to August happen to anyone else. "Alright, then lets figure this out."

He walked towards the living room, past that the room where Magnus kept all of his spell books and potions. 

What he didn't see was Zane glare at him from behind his back before he followed him.

...

Alec stood on the platform, the Shadowhunters of the New York Institute all crowded around him, looking up expectantly at him, ready for his announcement. He found Isabelle, Jace, and Clary all standing next to each other, smiles on their faces.

"I only called for this announcement to bring something to your knowledge," Alec started, bringing about his demanding voice he only used when giving announcements. "For many of you, it will mean nothing. But for some, it will be deemed useful. Apparently, according to the High Warlock of Brooklyn, a young Warlock boy was killed by an unusual illness not seen by any Downworlder or Shadowhunter before. 

"I am fighting for equality among the Downworlders and Shadowhunters, therefore, all I ask is for you to keep your eye out for anything unusual that deals with a Downworlder's health. Whether it's a sickness that they've never experienced before, or just a common cold, I'd like to be informed. 

"Like I've said before, we are attempting at finally breaking through to bring equal aspects of life for every Downworlder. Therefore, we need to investigate for them the same we would for us," he paused, nodding, proud of himself. "That's all," he finished, dismissing the meeting and walking down to Jace, Clary, and Isabelle.

"Great job, Alec," Clary said, smiling. She was wearing training clothes, her fiery red hair in a ponytail.

Jace, who was also in training clothes, clapped Alec on the shoulder, staring proudly at his parabatai. "You looked good up there, brother. I'm proud of you."

Alec chuckled, looking between Clary and Jace. He could tell there was something about them, and since the mission he'd asked from them to meet with the Seelie queen, he hadn't seen Simon anywhere. Jace hadn't shared anything about it to him, and Alec really doubted Clary would tell him anything.

He made a mental note to speak to Jace about it. 

"Well," Jace said, looking at Clary. "I guess we'll get back to training."

Clary smiled, nodding. "Yeah," she waved at Alec. "See ya later, Alec."

Jace put an arm around her as they walked away. Alec looked at Isabelle, shocked. "Are they a thing?"

Isabelle laughed, shaking her head. "I have no idea, she won't talk about it."

Alec frowned. "Isn't she dating the Vampire?"

"You mean Simon?" Izzy mocked him, and Alec rolled his eyes. "She was, but whatever happened at the Seelie Court really made him upset. She hasn't talked about that either."

Alec shrugged, and began walking around, Isabelle following after him, smirking. Alec titled his head. "What?"

She bit her mouth, looking excited. "How are you and Magnus?"

Alec rolled his eyes, sighing, but his lips were still turning upwards ever so slightly. "Izzy," he scolded.

She stopped him with a pull of the elbow. "Come on, Alec."

Alec looked at her for a moment, knowing she only worried for his happiness. He finally broke. "Alright," he said. He didn't mean to, but a big smile broke about his face. "We're perfect."

Isabelle mimicked his smile. "I'm happy for you, big brother."

Alec nodded. "I'm happy too."

Isabelle looked mischievous. "Mom is happy for you, too."

Alec looked at her at that. "What?"

"You know what she told me?"

Alec shook his head. "What?"

"When she told me about dad, she said she hoped it meant I wouldn't give up on love; that I would fight for it. 'Like my brother'."

Alec's mouth opened slightly in shock, blinking. "Really?"

"Mhm," Isabelle confirmed.

Alec chuckled softly, though he looked confused too. "I don't believe it," he mumbled. "It sounds like she's starting to accept it."

Isabelle's teeth were white when her red lips spread in a smile. "She is, Alec. She's trying very hard. She wants to change. She went around on the night of the cabinet meeting apologizing to those she's wronged."

Alec frowned, looking down. "Magnus didn't tell me about that," he said, as if to himself.

Isabelle looked sad then. "I don't think she ever found him. I saw him leave after Luke tried to kill Valentine."

Alec didn't look as hurt anymore, but he looked annoyed that she didn't speak to him. Although, he couldn't blame her, he left early. 

"You love him," Isabelle said, and Alec gave her a shy look. "I think it's cute. He loves you, too."

"I know," Alec said.

...

Magnus was reading from a book, Zane hovering over his shoulder as they read together. "What were other symptoms he had?" Magnus asked.

Zane sighed, pushing away from Magnus and pacing the room. Magnus turned around to watch him. "I don't really know," Zane bit out. "It's almost as if he experienced every human disease at once."

Magnus looked thoughtful. "I've just never seen anything like that before."

Zane stopped pacing, fiddling with his hands. "You don't think it's contagious, do you?"

Magnus thought for a moment, shaking his head. "It doesn't seem like it would be. We worked with August for months and we never caught anything. Did you ever experience anything?"

"No," Zane said, looking to be on the brink of tears. "I don't understand." 

"I'm sorry," Magnus whispered, sympathetic to his friend. "I promise, I'll do everything I can to figure it out."

Zane brought his gaze to Magnus', a flash of anger flamed in his golden-ringed eyes before it went away, but Magnus caught it. "I know that," he said, but Magnus thought it sounded to as if it was spoken through grit teeth. Magnus didn't like it. He'd never heard Zane like that.

"Are you okay?" Magnus asked cautiously. 

Zane suddenly glared at him, all anger coming out. Magnus took one step back, just to be safe. "Am I okay?" Zane repeated, voice dangerous. "I just lost my son," he yelled. "How the hell would I be okay?"

Magnus was shocked at his outburst. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing was coming out. It was like his throat was swollen shut. Zane continued, eyes glowing yellow on the ring around the black. "August was the light of my life, and he's dead!"

"I'm sorry," Magnus said, dazed. "I'm trying to-"

"Nothing! You're trying nothing."

Magnus furrowed his brow, taking steps back as Zane continued to stalk closer to him. He was really mad, and Magnus could feel his magic buzzing in the room. "You so called tried when I first came to you, and nothing changed. You tried when he was on the brink of death, and you tried to keep him alive on the night he died. And now you're trying to figure out what killed him, but nothing is changing!"

"Zane, calm down," Magnus yelled over Zane's magic, which now had him pinned against the wall. Magnus tried to use his own magic to fight back, but Zane's was stronger, fueled by pushed down frustrations that had been waiting to explode for months. "Zane, you have to gain control."

"Maybe I don't want to," Zane said, voice low. "Maybe I want to do this." 

Magnus was scared now. He'd told Alec he had nothing to worry about, but Magnus was frightened that maybe there was. "Zane, you're just angry."

Zane was now right in front of him, eyes glowing. "Damn right I'm angry," he whispered, bringing a hand to Magnus' face and slowly running his finger down his cheek. 

Magnus tried to jerk back, but he could barely move. "Zane," he choked out.

"Shut up," he growled, bringing up his other finger and the putting both on Magnus' temples. "I've been waiting to do this for so long."

"Zane, stop." Magnus was gasping as he fought to break through Zane's magic hold on him, but it was to no avail. 

"Shh," he hushed, and Magnus saw something in Zane's eyes he'd never seen before.

A crazed look. An insane glow shining in his fish eyes. His sons death has driven him insane. "Realizing one's worst fear is the hardest obstacle someone must endure. But your fears will be what save you."

Magnus felt pain run through his body, and he heard himself call out Alec's name before his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he lost consciousness. 

...

Zane watched Magnus slide down the wall and onto the ground, completely limp. Zane just stared at him for moment before he looked up, as if speaking to the heavens. "I'll have our vengeance, my son. He will suffer." 

He looked back down at Magnus, and leaned down to whisper in his ear, though he knew the older warlock was out cold and couldn't hear. "You will suffer, Bane. You will suffer while you watch the one you love the most die, over and over and over again. 

"You will know my pain."

Finally, he began chanting, his hands glowing while he set the curse.

...

"Zane," Magnus gasped, sitting up in bed gasping, Alec jerking next to him, looking concerned. 

"Magnus?" Alec asked, watching Magnus stare ahead, looking terrified. "Magnus, are you okay?"

Magnus felt Alec put a hand on his shoulder, and he looked over at Alec, dazed. "Sorry," he breathed out. He out a hand on his forehead, wiping sweat away. "I guess it was just a dream."

Alec saw Magnus' hands shaking, and he put his palm on Magnus' cheek. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Magnus finally got control of his breathing, nodding. "Yeah, I'm okay," he smiled tightly over at Alec, who didn't look at all convinced. 

It was about five-thirty in the morning, and it was still dark outside. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Alec asked cautiously. 

Magnus shook his head, laying back down, but he leaned down into Alec, who quickly wrapped his arms around him. "I don't really know what it was," Magnus whispered. "All I know is that I was afraid. I guess I'm just nervous to meet with Zane."

He felt Alec shift awkwardly, and he looked up at him over his shoulder. He saw that Alec looked extremely confused, but mostly worried. "Magnus, you met with Zane three days ago."

Magnus' eyes widened, and he felt his heart quicken. He looked back away from Alec, staring ahead again. "I'm sorry," he said. "I guess I'm just tired."

Alec held him tighter, kissing him on the top of the head. "What do you say we both take a day off? Go to the park, have lunch, relax. We don't have to talk about anything that deals with business."

Magnus still felt frightened, but he pushed it down and nodded shakily into Alec's chest. "Okay, yeah," he said. "I'd love that."

"Okay," Alec replied, his voice scared. Magnus could tell he was worried about him, but Magnus was just tired. 

But there was one thing gnawing at Magnus. 

Alec said he'd met with Zane three days ago. But the problem was, he didn't remember a thing about the last three days.

...

They were sitting on a blanket that Magnus had grabbed while Alec had been making the sandwiches. They were currently having a nice picnic in Central Park, and Magnus had to admit, it felt good to get out and have some time off with Alexander. 

They'd laughed and completely made fools of themselves in front of each other, including trying to balance a pickle on Alec's nose, attempting to feed each other's sandwiches with their eyes closed, and again the same thing but with their drinks. 

They didn't even mind. They were enjoying themselves after weeks of stress. Magnus hadn't even thought about Zane or August. 

He was at total peace when he was with Alexander. He would never feel weighed down when with him. 

"That's not true," Magnus exclaimed, laughing.

Alec was leaning back on his elbows, Magnus slightly on his side, but otherwise in the same position. "Please, Magnus, admit it. You started that fire," Alec chuckled.

They were in a discussion about a planned dinner at Magnus' apartment until the food burned when Magnus became distracted by Alec's pretty face. "You distracted me," Magnus defended himself.

"Yeah," Alec started, playfully hitting him on shoulder. "By my face."

They broke out in laughter, and Magnus noticed a passerby smile at their relationship. That was one thing he liked about New York. There were so many open people here, so many accepting people. 

"It's a really nice face," Magnus said. "And I find it unfair you used it against me."

"It's not my fault you're so attracted to this masterpiece," Alec replied, gesturing to his face.

Magnus leaned up to him, lips barely not touching. "I guess you're right," he whispered seductively, and they kissed a small, sweet kiss. 

Magnus leaned back down, looking at him, fiddling around with a piece of bread. Alec noticed the nervous movement and put his hand on Magnus'. Magnus looked up from the bread at Alec. "What?"

Alec looked concerned. "I know I said we wouldn't talk about business, but are you okay? With Zane?"

Magnus clenched his teeth, swallowing. "I think so, I just..." he shrugged. "I don't know, I just feel weird about it."

Magnus realized then and there that he shouldn't have said that, because now Alec looked really worried. "What is it, Magnus?"

"Alec-"

Then Alec's phone started ringing, and Magnus felt saved by the bell, but Alec looked annoyed. 

"Hey, Isabelle, what's up?"

Magnus watched Alec's face change from calm to frantic, and he leaned up from the ground, Magnus following him up. "By the Angel, okay. We're only a few blocks down, we'll come."

Alec stood up then, holding his hand out for Magnus to take, who did, but felt his heart pounding. "Alec, what's wrong?"

"There's a pack of Ravenor demons a few blocks down, Isabelle called asking for back up." Alec and Magnus had started walking, leaving their picnic where it was. It didn't matter anymore, what mattered was making sure everyone was okay. "Jace and Clary are there too. But there is too many, apparently."

Magnus picked up the pace, nervous for his friends. Then Alec started running, so Magnus did too.

...

Isabelle wasn't kidding when she said there were too many, Magnus thought. He was continuously firing his magic at every Ravenor demon that came at him, Alec and his back pressed against each other. He summoned his bow, and he was shooting arrows every which way.

Magnus' heart was pounding and his blood was flowing so quickly he could feel it. He always hated being in the midst of battle, and he never understood why Shadowhunters found it so exciting. Magnus didn't fear death, not at all. The only thing that scared the shit out of him was where he went after he died. 

No warlock knew where they went after they died. He'd once asked Ragnor, but then he realized Ragnor only showed up when he was feeling at his lowest, meaning he was only a fragment of his imagination. So Ragnor couldn't know either, because Magnus didn't. 

He tried not to think about it when two Ravenor demons came running at him, his magic reacting quickly and knocking one back against a brick wall in the alleyway, while one was barely knocked over. Before Magnus could think, he was knocked to the side, and he could barely hear Alec call his name when he couldn't feel him behind him anymore. 

His head was fuzzy, and he could feel a trickle of blood running down the side of his face. He must have hit the ground on the way down. 

Suddenly, there was a weight on top of him, and he opened his eyes slowly, feeling pain run through his head and down his spine. But fear ran through his whole body when he saw a blurry figure of what appeared to be the Ravenor demon on him. Magnus fought, but he couldn't concentrate, and his magic wasn't reacting to his command. He weakly put his hands on the demon's chest, trying to push him away, but he just couldn't think. 

He must be concussed. He could barely hear those calling his name. 

Wait, where was he? 

What just happened?

However, after a moment he couldn't feel the weight on his chest anymore, but he saw strong hands wrap around it and pull it back, hands he recognized as Alec's. 

"No..." he mumbled, and then he felt hands on his shoulders, trying to keep him down. They were small hands, and he looked up to see someone with red hair.

Must be Clary...

"Alex... ander..."

"Shh, Magnus it's okay."

What did she say?

Magnus began seeing stars, and he heard a pain filled scream before he lost consciousness.

...

Magnus came to in a dark room, lying on a soft bed, but not a familiar one. There were voices around him, but he couldn't comprehend what they were saying.

He took in a sharp breath through his teeth when his head throbbed. 

He still couldn't open his eyes, because every time he tried, his head just throbbed more. He tried to listen in on the conversation, and he believed it was Jace and Isabelle in the room who were talking.

"How are we supposed to tell him, Jace?" 

It was Isabelle, and she sounded depressed. She sounded lost and scared. 

Magnus didn't like it.

"We just have to," he heard Jace, who didn't even sound like himself. "He was my parabatai, Izzy... if... if I can stomach it, I can only hope Magnus can too."

Magnus' breath hitched, and one of them must have noticed, for he felt a hand on forehead, running a thumb gently on his brow. "Shh," it hushed.

He couldn't tell who it was, but he thought it must be Isabelle. 

But then Magnus realized what Jace just said, and he felt his heart pound. He finally forced his eyes open, ignoring the pain running through his head. 

"Magnus," Isabelle whispered, Jace hovering over her shoulder.

Magnus was dazed as he looked up at Jace. "What did you just say?"

Jace suddenly broke into silent crying, tears strolling down his cheeks. "Alec," he choked out. 

Isabelle began crying then, too. Magnus knew what they were saying, but he couldn't comprehend it, and he felt his breathing pick up pace. 

"Where is he?"

Isabelle looked away, tears falling harder wth a sob. Jace had walked away, and Magnus knew. 

He knew.

"No..." he mumbled, swallowing. He looked around, but he didn't know what he thought he would find. Maybe he was looking for Alec. "No," he said again, starting to struggle out of bed.

He felt Isabelle's hands try to press down, but Magnus wasn't having it. "No," he said louder, almost yelling, ignoring his head. 

He looked around again, noticing he was in the Institute infirmary. 

"Magnus," Isabelle said sternly, but she was still crying. "Magnus, stop it."

He continued to struggle up, but then Jace was there too, pushing him down. "Stop it!" Magnus yelled.

"Magnus," Jace tried.

"No!"

"Izzy, go get a sedative."

He saw Isabelle leave, and Magnus realized he was crying too. He was shaking his head when she appeared again, a syringe in her hand. "No," he sobbed out.

He felt it pinch into his arm, and he sobbed again, just saying no over and over again. 

"Alexander," he whispered, Alec's name gracing his lips before he lost consciousness again, falling limp onto the bed.

...

"No!"

It was a scream ripped through Magnus' throat as he shot up, gasping as he felt a flinch next to him, and saw black hair sit up and turn around.

"Alexander?" He asked, incredulous.

Alec looked concerned, pulling the sweating Magnus into his arms. "Hey, shh," Alec whispered.

Magnus was shaking, trembling horribly as he tried to gain his breath back. Alec was squeezing Magnus tight in effort comfort him and stop his shaking.

"You died, you were dead," Magnus whispered, but it was more an exhalation of agony. 

"Shh, Magnus, it was just a dream." 

Magnus was still trembling, and he hated it. He just wanted to calm down, but he remembered the empty feeling he got when he realized Alec was dead. 

He'd never felt that empty before. Not even when he stood on the edge of Blackfriars Bridge. Not even when Camille stepped all over his heart and made him a pet. Not even when Imasu told him he wasn't good enough. 

Nothing compared to that. Nothing had ever been that painful; been so horrible to come to terms with. 

He remembers Isabelle and Jace's lost looks, and he felt himself panic again.

"Shh, Magnus, it wasn't real." 

Magnus knew that. But that didn't mean it hurt any less.

'Is it?' 

A voice echoed in his head, and he recognized the voice but he couldn't put his finger on it. 

"I know it wasn't," Magnus said, and he heard the voice again.

'You sure?'

He ignored it, burying his face in Alec's neck and letting him hold him.

He held him until he fell back asleep.

...

When they'd gotten up later that morning, Magnus was still a little shaky, but not as bad. He was still in Alec's arms, in the same position from the morning before. 

"Are you feeling better?" Alec asked, tightening his grip on the warlock.

Magnus smiled, looking up over his shoulder and kissing Alec on the lips. "Yeah, I'm okay. I guess I'm just tired."

He looked back down, staring ahead. He felt Alec shift awkwardly, and Magnus began having a sense of deja vu. "What do you say we both take a day off?" 

Magnus stopped breathing.

Alec continued.

"Go to the park, have lunch, relax. We don't have to talk about anything that deals with business."

Magnus was almost positive they had this exact conversation the day before. "Alec, we already took a day off yesterday."

Magnus leaned up, facing Alec, who had a look of concern on his face. "No we didn't. You met with a client and I was at the Institute."

Magnus shook his head, feeling his heart beating hard in his chest. "No, I didn't meet with Zane yesterday."

Alec furrowed his brow, confused. "I didn't say you did. You met with Zane three days ago, but you had another client yesterday."

Magnus looked at Alec like he'd just spread three heads. "Alec," he said, not meaning for his voice to sound stern. "You told me that yesterday."

Alec didn't speak for a moment, just stared at Magnus like he was insane. "Magnus, baby, are you okay?"

His anger spiked then, and he stood up from the bed. Yes, he was frustrated, but he was scared too. "I'm fine, Alec, you're the one forgetting things."

Alec scooted on the Magnus' side of the bed to be closer to the standing, frantic warlock. "Do you want me to call Jace? Or Isabelle, or Clary? They will back me up on this."

Magnus felt fire run through his veins and he heard a vase break behind him. Alec flinched, but Magnus wasn't phased. "Fine," he bit out through his teeth. "Call one of them, I don't care. I know I'm telling the truth, I'm not lying."

Alec frowned, reaching out a comforting hand on Magnus', who didn't snatch it back, but didn't react to it either. "Magnus," Alec whispered, eyes a little desperate. "It's not a matter of truth or trust. I trust you, I'm just worried something is wrong with you."

Magnus snatched his hand then, throwing them both up in the air incredulously. "There is nothing wrong with me, Alec."

Alec looked cautious when he put his arms out in front of him like a surrender. "Okay," he said calmly. "Okay, just let me call Jace, yeah?"

Magnus knew anger wasn't what he was actually feeling, but he had to feel something to cover up the fear inside him. "Fine," he said.

Alec carefully reached for his phone on the bedside table, and he dialed Jace's number. Magnus didn't like the way Alec was acting. He was so slow, and so careful; like Magnus was a tiger ready to pounce on its prey. 

"Jace," he said. "Look, let me put you on speaker phone, okay?"

Alec took the phone from his ear and clicked the speakerphone button. "Jace?

"Yeah, buddy?"

"Hey, Magnus is here with me, and we were wondering what I was doing yesterday."

It was silent on the other end, all that could be heard was Jace's breathing. "Alec? Are you okay?"

Alec rolled his eyes. "Yes, Jace, just answer the question."

"Um, okay, you were here. We trained around noon, and then you got called into a meeting about peace with the Downworld."

Magnus' breathing became harder to control then. Alec was looking at him cautiously while Jace explained the day. 

"Good," Alec said. "And, just for peace of mind, what did I tell you Magnus was doing yesterday?"

It was silent again, but he did answer. "I thought you said he was meeting with a client."

Alec nodded, closing his eyes in relief to know he was right and nothing was wrong with him. But when he realized Magnus could be a victim, he opened his eyes again and looked at him. 

Magnus was clenching his eyes shut, standing stiff with his hands in tight fists; so tight the knuckles were white. It was like he was trying to hold something back, to control something. 

Alec wondered if it was his magic?

"Alec, buddy," Jace started, sounding worried. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Alec was going to say yes, but then he looked at Magnus again, and his heart hurt. "Let me get back to you on that one," he said, and he hung up the phone. 

He set it back on the bedside table, standing up and slowly taking steps toward Magnus. "Magnus?" Magnus' eyes weren't closed as tightly anymore, but he still looked stiff. Alec was finally in front of him, unsure if he should touch him or not.

Finally, Magnus took in a sharp breath, causing Alec to flinch. His eyes shot open, and it was like he put up a wall. "I'm sorry," he said, voice clearer and less afraid. "But I can't take the day off."

Alec narrowed his eyes, knowing Magnus was lying. "Who are you meeting today?"

"Catarina," Magnus lied quickly. "I'm sorry," he said again. He took a few strides to the bathroom, closing the door behind him, leaving a very confused Alec alone in the room.

...

Magnus was leaning over the toilet, genuinely afraid he was going to vomit. His stomach was in knots and fear was bubbling in his belly like acid. His blood ran cold when Jace confirmed Alec's plea. 

Magnus didn't know what was going on. He knows they had that conversation yesterday. He was sure of it.

Although, maybe they didn't. Maybe Magnus is just having a simple case of deja vu. 

But, no. He remembered the whole day that they took off yesterday. They went to the park, and they were enjoying themselves before Izzy called in desperate need for back up. Of course they went and...

And... 

Magnus felt like someone was watching him when he slowly glided to the mirror, away from the toilet. He stared at himself for a moment. A flash of him getting hit by a Ravenor demon flicked through his mind, and he flinched, folding in on himself.

When it went away, he slowly brought his face back up to the mirror and he could see the terror on his own face. "I hit my head..." he whispered to himself, dazedly putting his finger on his temple where he was sure he'd hit on the way down to the ground after that Ravenor demon knocked him over. 

He remembered the demon being on top of him, and then... not much after that. It was all fuzzy, but he saw what he was sure to be Alec pulling him off.

And then it hit him. 

He'd woken in the infirmary, and Jace and Isabelle had been talking, and they weren't talking about something that Magnus liked. Jace looked lost, Isabelle was hurt, and Magnus was concussed, but he knew what they were trying to tell him. 

Alec...

His Alec, his Alexander was dead. He'd died. And Magnus had felt such pain run through his body, and then...

Nothing.

That was when Magnus woke up. 

No, Magnus refused to believe that that whole day was nothing but a dream.

He had to figure out what was going on.

...

Hours later, Alec was at the Institute, talking to Jace about why he'd called him this morning asking those weird questions.

"You're saying Magnus was sure you guys already took a day off?" Jace was standing with his arms tightly crossed over his chest. 

Alec was close to him, and they were secluded off in a corner in the ops room. Alec was sure no one would hear, but just in case, he wanted to make sure no one would. He didn't want people to catch wind of the High Warlock being possibly sick and vulnerable.

"Yes," Alec replied. "Look, I'm sure something is wrong with him. He's never acted like that before, and I know there's always deja vu sometimes, but he said he remembered the whole day, not just our conversation."

Jace narrowed his eyes, tightening his arms across his chest. "You think someone is messing with him?"

Something dawned on Alec, and he looked at Jace with wide eyes. "Zane," he said. "Magnus couldn't save his son, he's the only one who could be doing this."

"Doing what?" Jace asked. "What do you think he's doing?"

Alec sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I don't know," he said, his nerves on high.

"Okay," Jace's gentle voice pulled Alec's face back up to his. "We can talk to Magnus later, okay? Don't worry too much. Right now, we have to run a training block."

Alec sighed again, not really in the mood to do that. But he was the head of Institute. He had to push down his own concerns for those around him he was leading. 

"Alright," he breathed out. "Just... lets get this over with."

Jace looked concerned for his parabatai, but knew Alec had put his game face on. He wouldn't talk about it again until the training block was over.

He clapped Alec on the shoulder to show him he was there for him, and they headed to the training room.

...

Magnus was lying on the couch, flat on his back with one arm resting over his eyes, the other dangling off the side of the couch. He was breathing evenly, calm now. But that didn't stop the confusion and fear running through his heart as he thought about Alec.

He was sure he died. He was sure that yesterday happened. They had a day off. They went to the park. Alec got a call. They went as back up. Magnus got attacked.

And then Alec died.

It was too real to be a dream. There was no way he dreamt that whole thing and remembered every little detail like that. He's dreamed before, and he's even had those visions sent to him from his father, but he'd never remembered every detail. 

It scared him. Because it was almost like he lived that day, and now he was... 

"Reliving it..." Magnus mumbled, removing the arm covering his eyes. His heart pounded harder, because holy shit, is that what was going on? 

He stood up quickly, frantically pacing the living room floor while he thought about his theory. He knew there was a curse that could make someone relive the same day over and over, but he couldn't think of anyone that would put it on him. 

He has enemies, but not any that he'd pissed off recently. The only person he'd wronged in the most recent past is...

He stopped, eyes widening, his breathing ceased. "Oh, my god..." he whispered to himself. He stood there in the middle of his living room for a long time before he moved. He ran to his book room where he kept all of his spell books and potion scrolls. He was throwing books around and shakily flipping through pages to find what he was looking for.

It took a while, but then he found his book of curses and he was going through all its pages until he found it.

That was it.

"Zane, you asshole..." he growled, his teeth grit together. 

It was Zane. 

Zane put the curse on him.

...

Alec and Jace were sweating as they walked out of the training room to their rooms to cool off. They were laughing about a certain younger Shadowhunter who knocked an older one on their ass, which Alec and Jace accepted because he was being an ass. 

But then Alec remembered Magnus and how scared he looked this morning, and he thought about calling him. He just couldn't get Magnus out of his head. 

Maybe Magnus was tired. Well, he knew Magnus was tired. And Alec knew he'd been feeling down since the whole Zane and August situation. He'd been working hard to find out what killed the young warlock. 

He looked at Jace, who didn't look at him until Alec said his name. "We should call Magnus," Alec said, he and Jace walking into the elevator. 

Jace turned to him, feeling his nerves through their parabatai bond. "I agree, but I think we should tell Izzy and Clary first."

Alec was tempted to ask Jace about Clary, but Magnus was clouding his mind. "Why?"

The elevator opened, and they stepped out, and began walking again. "I just think they can help, and hiding this from them will be way too hard. They're too stubborn."

Alec smiled fondly. "Alright, I agree," he said. "Lets go tell them." Jace gave him a reassuring look, and Alec decided then to ask about Clary. "Speaking of Clary," he smirked.

Jace was about to tell him to shut up, but when they turned the corner, a Shadowhunter neither of them recognized had a knife in hand. "Lightwood," he snarled.

And they didn't have time to think before it was thrown and stuck in Alec's chest, right in his heart. The Shadowhunter ran away and Jace had wide eyes when he put his arms around Alec and gently lowered him to the ground.

Alec could feel Jace's hands shaking around him, but he couldn't think about it when he tasted blood in his mouth and felt the blade in his chest. He was trembling, struggling to keep his breathing composed.

"Alec, hey," Jace was speaking fast, and desperate. "Alec, just hang on. Hang on for me, just breathe."

Alec felt Jace fumbling in his pocket and pull out his phone. Alec was sure he was calling Magnus. 

Jace put the phone to his ear, his hands still shaking. "Magnus!" He yelled.

...

When Magnus' phone started ringing with Jace's caller I.D on it, he knew. He knew Alec had died again, but it didn't hurt any less just because he knew it was curse.

His hands fumbled when he answered, feeling cold on the inside.

...

"Alec's been hurt, Magnus," Jace's voice cracked, and he quit talking to Magnus for a moment to shake Alec awake. "Please," he sobbed. "Please, he's not going to make it, I can feel it..."

...

Magnus hung up and opened a portal to the Institute.

...

And Alec didn't make it. He died again, and Magnus had to go to sleep that night, alone and cold and no one to make him feel warm.

Tears slipped out of his eyes as he fell asleep, his heart beyond broken.

...

And when he woke up the next morning, Alec and Magnus again repeated the same conversation, but this time Magnus didn't argue. 

And then he died again.

...

And again.

...

And again.

...

It took Magnus an agonizing five repeated days of Alec dying in different ways every time, before he finally tried to tell him.

They were in bed, in the morning, like they always were. Alec had his arms around him, and Magnus tried to keep the tears inside, but they fell over his eyes, and he sat up, looking at Alec.

Alec noticed Magnus' tears, and he sat up then too. "Magnus-"

"Let me speak," Magnus whispered, voice void of any emotion, but the tears spilling over his cheeks was enough. "Alec, I can't do this anymore. I've tried to break this curse on my own without telling you. But it's been five days and I can't..."

Alec heard his voice break off and he tried to hold him, but Magnus flinched back and Alec decided against it. "What are you talking about?" He asked carefully.

Magnus swallowed, wiping his tears away and biting his lip. He looked to be preparing himself for what he was about to say. "Alexander, I keep reliving the same day. I'm... cursed with a continuous loop of you..." he broke off, unable to say it. He tried to breathe, but it was hard.

"Magnus," Alec exhaled, putting his thumb on his cheek to wipe a tear away. "Tell me," he said.

Magnus sobbed, shaking his head. "You won't believe me," he said it in barely a whisper.

Alec frowned, looking worried. "Magnus, I'll believe anything you tell me, I love you."

Magnus bit his lip harder, leaning against the headboard and resting his head on it with a bang. "You keep dying..."

Alec paused, his loving rubs on Magnus' cheek coming to a sudden stop. Magnus slid his eyes over to him. "What?" Alec said.

Magnus' tears had slowed then, and his breathing wasn't necessarily even, but it was slow, and less freaked out. "Alexander, I'm living a day where you die, over and over, and always in a different, horrific way. And I can never save you," he broke out. 

Alec looked confused, worried, and scared all at the same time. He opened his mouth to say something, but when Magnus saw him close it again, and he sobbed again, closing his eyes. "You don't believe me," Magnus said, leaning back up and hiding his face in his hands.

He couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't keep watching Alec die, or getting a call telling him Alec was dead. Magnus had even tried to keep Alec from leaving the apartment, but even then, he just dropped dead. Literally...

"Magnus," Alec tried again. "It's not that I don't believe you, I'm just... I don't understand." Magnus nodded, seeing how it would be hard to think about. "Why do you think this?"

Magnus looked at him with a deadpanned face, as is to say 'really?'. "Because you die everyday, Alec, that's pretty obvious."

Alec rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "I mean, why do you think it's a curse and how do we stop it?"

Magnus sat up, eyes wide. "You believe me?"

Alec smiled sadly, his heart hurting at Magnus' terrified behavior. "Of course I believe you, baby." He brought his hand back to his cheek, wiping more tears away. 

Magnus leaned into Alec's touch, his chest feeling only a little lighter. Alec believed him. He really believed him. Maybe they can finally end this together.

"Tell me what happened," Alec said. "Or, why this curse started."

Magnus took a deep breath before speaking, no longer feeling Alec's touch on his face. "You remember Zane?"

Alec nodded, eyebrows furrowing. "He did this," he said immediately, voice turning low and dangerous.

"Alexander," Magnus said, trying to calm him down. "I only think he did. I can't remember how he activated the curse on me, so I don't remember if he did or not. But he's the only one who would have any reason to get revenge on me."

Alec thought for a moment before a look of realization lit up his face. "August," he said. 

Magnus nodded. "Yeah."

Alec sighed, blinking to try to gain his concentration back. "Okay, well, can you think of anything he might have said that would hint at how to end the curse?"

When Alec said that, Magnus felt something in his chest. He felt... well, he didn't know. But it was something familiar. "I don't think so... I thought about calling Catarina to look around in my head for the memory. It has to be in there, I just can't access it." 

"Right," Alec agreed, lost in thought. "Maybe... you have to try to stop me dying? What if I don't leave the loft, and we make it through the day. Would that end it?"

Magnus shook his head, remembering Alec on the floor, cold and pale. "I tried that, but by the night, you just... dropped dead..."

Alec looked sympathetic. "I'm so sorry, Magnus. I don't know what to do."

Magnus realized then Alec sounded frightened, but somehow, not for Magnus. "You're scared."

Alec scoffed, but it was sad. "You just told me I'm going to die today, so yeah I'm a little weirded out."

Magnus' heart broke, because please, he can't watch him die anymore. He can't accept that. 

Ever.

"I'm sorry," Magnus said then. "I can't stand it either, Alec... it's everyday. It's... I can't take it-"

"Okay," Alec interrupted him, Magnus' tears falling again. He pulled Magnus in his arms while Magnus just cried and cried and cried. 

But then Magnus felt Alec's chest start trembling, and Magnus felt his heart stop. "No..." he whispered, pulling out of Alec's embrace and looking at him.

Alec began coughing, and Magnus just pushed away, knowing it was happening. When blood began pouring out of Alec's mouth, Magnus backed away until he fell off the bed, still fumbling away from the blood covered Alec. "No!"

He just continued to cough, Magnus' back pressed against the wall on the other side of the room, covering his face in his arms, which were resting on his knees. He was crying so hard, his chest constricting and he couldn't breathe.

He really couldn't breathe.

'Breathe', he thought to himself, but then he couldn't hear Alec coughing anymore, but he still didn't look up, and he just continued to not breathe.

He was dead. Alec was dead.

Again.

He couldn't do this.

He couldn't, there was no way he could do this anymore.

He... he shouldn't have to. He doesn't have to. He can stop it. He can stop it in his own way. 

He was still in his apartment, and he still had what he could use just like his mother did.

He brokenly stood up, avoiding to look at the dead Alec on the bed, knowing he would see blood. He ran out of the room, slamming the door behind him, and he leaned against it for a moment, finally getting his breath back.

He stumbled to the living room, walking towards the couch. Tears were still strolling down his cheeks. He saw the keris behind it, resting on its display stand. He stared at it, wondering if this was really the right way to go. But then he thought of Alec in his room, blood covering him and the sheets, his heart not beating. 

Tears rolled down again, and he picked it up, staring at it, running his eyes all over it. He remembered when this very blade was sitting in his mother's hand after she'd done what he was about to do.

His heart was pounding, and he was scared, sobbing, horrified, but knew there was no other way out. 

He thought of Alec, and his smile and his laugh and his personality and his leadership and his love and his skin and his blood, blood, blood he couldn't stand seeing anymore.

He slowly brought the keris to his wrist.

And he began his work, blood swelling over the lines he started.

He sobbed as he fell to the floor, and he didn't stop until he lost consciousness.

...

'Nice try, Bane.'

...

Magnus' eyes fluttered open, but he didn't know why. He should be dead. He had to be dead. He dazedly looked down at his wrists, no markings or any remnants of any blood or scars.

Magnus felt cold when he slowly looked to the side, seeing a sleeping Alec with his chest rising and falling... Alec was alive.

"No..." Magnus whispered to himself. 

Magnus felt tears welling again and he sobbed silently, lying back down and turning his back to Alec. He cried until he fell back asleep.

...

After three more days, Magnus called Catarina. But then Alec died again, and he had to explain all over again to his blue friend.

But then he died after that. And then one more time.

...

Magnus was angrily drawing a pentagram, Alec dead behind him, having suffered a freaking heart attack. His hands were fast, his drawing sloppy, but it would get the job done. He was panting and sweating and he was shaking and he didn't even care. He just had to end this.

He had to summon him to make it stop. He wasn't totally down for summoning that man, but there was nothing else Magnus could do. He'd tried everything. 

He bit his lip, tasting blood as he colored the stars on the rim of the pentagram. He couldn't get Alec out of his head, and he couldn't get the color red out of the corners of his eyes. His magic had become weaker, his demon mark always on display because he couldn't glamour them anymore.

Summoning his father was the last ounce of magic he would have left. This was his last chance before he just lost it, went insane and became empty of anything: magic, emotions, the need to care.

He had to stop this.

When he was finally done coloring the last star, he threw the piece of chalk aggressively across the room, hearing it break as it collided with the wall. 

It didn't matter, it was irrelevant.

Immediately, he began chanting, but he was still shaking and his magic was so weak it almost hurt. He pushed harder, however, feeling blood run down his nose from the concentration.

"I summon thee, thy prince of hell." His voice was as shaky as his body was. "For thou art my father, I beg for thee presence of thou soul, and I beg for thee strongest of thou magic, and I beg for thou's wisest of minds. I summon thee, Asmodeous, my father."

There was a swirl of colors, and Magnus pushed his magic one more time for the efforts of summoning his father, and finally, finally, a figure formed in the middle of the pentagram, and Magnus let go, letting his breath go as he fell to his knee. He was gasping harder than before, and he looked up as his father slowly turned to face him.

He looked down at his son, furrowing his brow and narrowing his eyes. He looked to be feeling the room, as if there was something about it he didn't like. He finally shot his gaze down to Magnus. "I don't like the presence in here, boy."

His voice was demanding. 

Magnus struggled up, stumbling back as he finally got to his feet, wiping the blood from his nose away. He couldn't stop shaking. He looked behind him, staring at the Alec whose eyes were still wide open. Asmodeous followed his gaze, smirking when he saw the body. 

When Magnus looked back at his father and saw the look on his face, his anger became hot. "That's because the presence isn't healthy."

His father tilted his head to the side, almost like he was examining Magnus. His cats eyes were roaming over every aspect of his body. Magnus swallowed, knowing that look. "What do you want, boy?" Magnus glanced behind him one more time, and Asmodeous laughed. "I can't bring that shadowhunter back to life, son."

Magnus shot a glare at him, clenching his jaw. "I'm not asking for that, you fool."

Asmodeous was shocked by his outburst, having never seen Magnus like that. He stared at him a moment longer before shaking his head, confused.

Magnus started again, trying to keep his composure. "You don't like the presence because it's cursed."

Asmodeous smiled, pointed teeth shining white. "You mean because you're cursed," he corrected.

Magnus shifted on his feet, sliding his eyes to the floor for a moment. He swallowed, taking a deep breath, though it was with struggle. "Help me," he exhaled.

He looked back up at his father, who was looking strangely happy. "Why should I? Why shouldn't I enjoy the suffering of my son?"

If Magnus were human and with a normal life, that sentence would have made him uncomfortable. But he wasn't human. He'd heard worse from his father than that before. "Because you're the one in the pentagram," Magnus snarled.

Asmodeous growled, gritting his teeth. "Do you think I can't break the hold of this star's power and leave it? Do you think I can't stride to your side and break you neck?"

Magnus could hear his own heart pounding erratically. "You won't," he said, taking a sharp breath in.

Asmodeous looked genuinely offended. "And why is that, child?"

Magnus looked down again before he said he what he said, feeling the fear trying to tear him apart. "Because on the day that you finally steal my soul to fuel your kingdom, you don't want a weak one now, do you?"

His father looked at him from head to toe then, cat eyes narrowed. Finally, he stood taller and nodded. "Very well," he agreed. Magnus felt a small surge of pride at his negotiating. "What do you need?"

Magnus licked his chapped lips. "I need to end this curse."

Asmodeous looked annoyed at his son's weak performance. "Explain to me the basis of this curse." 

Magnus suddenly felt Alec's dead presence behind him, and he shifted again. He bit his tongue for a moment before his shaky voice explained. "I keep reliving the same day, over and over..."

The demon smiled then, furrowing his brow. Magnus wasn't sure, but he almost looked excited. He saw him look behind his shoulder, then back at him. "And your shadowhunter boy toy dies every time, am I correct?"

Magnus said he wouldn't cry in front of his father, but he found he was extremely close to breaking. "Yes," he forced out.

Asmodeous stared at him for a moment, looking him in the eye. "You're going absolutely insane."

Magnus was surprised when he said it without smiling. But he couldn't focus on that. Magnus rubbed his eyes aggressively, taking a deep breath. "Just," he yelled, but then realized getting mad would get him nowhere, so his voice took on a lighter tone. "Just, please, break it."

When he looked at his father, who looked wrongly sympathetic, his heart pounded. "I can not."

"Stop it!"

Asmodeous replied quickly again. "I can't, boy."

Magnus grit his teeth, trying to gain control of his anger, but his magic reacted quicker, a frustrated cry ripping through his throat; there was a sound of shattering glass somewhere, and when Magnus calmed down he saw it was his balcony door's windows. 

Asmodeous looked from the glass to Magnus, then from Alec to Magnus. Magnus couldn't read his expression. "I can't break it for you, Magnus Bane, but I can tell you how."

Magnus' head shot up then, his gaze hopeful. He felt something light within his chest at his father's words. "Please," he said. "Tell me."

The prince of hell was silent for a moment, just staring at his son. He took a breath. "You're immortal, child. The Lightwood boy, however, is not."

Magnus furrowed his brow, shaking his head. "What does that have to do with-"

"You must come to terms with it," Asmodeous interrupted. 

Magnus was still confused. "I-I have," he mumbled, blinking.

Asmodeous nodded, but didn't look convinced. "Okay, then have you come to terms with his death?"

"He's not dead, this is just a curse."

His father rolled his eyes, looking annoyed. "His soon to be death, then?"

Magnus stopped then, feeling his chest become heavy again. "I don't understand..."

"You're stuck on an endless loop where you watch the love of your life die over and over again," the demon began. "And yet, no matter how many times you see it, and no matter how much it hurts, you still refuse to accept it."

Magnus glanced behind him again. "I can't..."

Asmodeous just shrugged. "Then you'll be stuck here forever."

No, Magnus couldn't have that. But he thought he had accepted it. He and Alec had discussed it... 

"But... I did. We talked, I did accept it," his voice was dazed, and Magnus didn't really feel like he was there. 

It was quiet for a moment before his father's voice rang again. "If you had you wouldn't be here."

Magnus thought, because his father had to be right. He was just... confused. He thought he did accept it. 

But like Asmodeous said, if he did, then the curse wouldn't be present. 

"H-How do I accept it?"

Asmodeous frowned. "Only you can do that, Magnus."

He looked up at his father, because he'd never called him by his own name before. He swallowed, turning around, seeing Alec. His beautiful hazel eyes were empty and void of life. He felt tears well in his eyes. He looked away quickly, clenching his eyes shut. "I can't... I can't do it without him."

Asmodeous shrugged again. 

Magnus knew how to break the curse now.

One day Alec will die, and Magnus won't.

Now he just had to accept that.

...

He'd let Asmodeous go hours ago. Alec was now off the floor, resting on Magnus' bed, who was sitting in a chair next to him. 

Magnus was sure he looked awful. He still felt sweat running down his neck and he was almost positive there were dark circles under his eyes, making his skin look even paler. 

He was just looking at Alec, staring at him. He had to accept it. He had to accept it. He had to accept it.

But he can't. 

How can he continue to live without Alec at his side? How can he deal with annoying clients and make potions without Alec's help? How can he be happy, and smile, and laugh without Alec to make him? 

He couldn't do it without Alec.

"Yes, you can," a British voice echoed the room, but Magnus didn't react to it. He couldn't tear his eyes away from Alec. He knew who it was anyways.

"Ragnor..." his hoarse voice cracked out.

He heard footsteps behind him, but he still didn't look back. He felt Ragnor's presence behind him, and he felt his hand touch his shoulder. "You've dealt with losses before, my friend. You've done this before."

Magnus blinked slowly, eyes half lidded. "None of those were like him..."

He heard Ragnor shift behind him, and then he saw his friend in the corner of his eye, kneeling down next to him. "Magnus, look at me."

He didn't.

"Magnus," Ragnor tried again, setting a hand on Magnus' thigh.

Magnus wasn't sure how he could feel it, especially if he wasn't real. But Magnus supposed he had been living the same day over and over, and he felt that. So it's whatever.

He still didn't look at Ragnor, who gave up with a sigh. "Magnus, you have to accept it. You're slipping. You're losing it, here in this hell, you're losing it." 

"Leave me alone," Magnus mumbled, feeling tears well up in his eyes. 

"I will not," Ragnor said, shaking his head. "Magnus, you've accepted many deaths in your lifetime, and you've always struggled to get over them, but you've always accepted it."

Magnus closed his eyes. "I already told you, none of them were like Alexander."

Ragnor sighed, eyes sad. "Magnus, look at me." Finally, Magnus retched his eyes away from Alec, looking at Ragnor, who spoke then. "You're going to go insane here, Magnus. You're already half way there. You need. To. Accept it."

Magnus felt tears spill over then, trickling down his cheeks. "I am trying," he sobbed. "I'm trying, but I just can't do it."

"You can, Magnus. You can. You're so strong, and you're so brave. You always do everything you can to stay going, to keep moving." Ragnor chuckled. "You always dragged me along with you."

Magnus laughed sadly; it was only an exhalation of breath. But then he remembered the situation, and he felt tears fall harder. "I have to get out of here. I've been doing this for weeks."

Ragnor nodded. "And Alec and your friends have been watching you."

Magnus frowned, confused. "What?"

"While you've been stuck here, Alec and the others found you knocked out in your apartment. They called Catarina, and she looked through your memory when you wouldn't wake up. They found out about Zane and the curse. Zane is dead."

Magnus' heart pounded. "They know? Where I am, what's happening?"

Ragnor nodded. "This is correct."

Magnus looked back at Alec, who he knew wasn't the real one, according to Ragnor. "Why can't I accept it?"

"Because you're scared. But Magnus, sometimes fear is what keeps us grounded. You have to stay grounded. You have to know this isn't real, no matter how much it feels like it. You have to accept that Alec will die one day, or you will never get out of here."

Magnus' tears stopped then, and something hit him. The thing he'd been more afraid of than just Alec's death. He'd been afraid to be left alone.

But Ragnor has reminded him of what was real; of what he didn't have to fear. 

He would never be alone. He had Catarina and Tessa, and he remembered Dot, and many more warlocks to be at his side. 

He closed his eyes, leaning back in his chair, no longer feeling Ragnor. 

"Accept it," he said to himself. "You can do it, just accept it."

He breathed in, and then breathed out with a struggle. "Alec will die, but it will be okay. I will have people to help me. I will never be alone. Alec will always be in my heart. 

"I will always love him."

And the he fell asleep.

...

Alec was sitting next to Magnus on the bed, holding him while his boyfriend continued to sweat and gasp. He'd mumbled many things in this never ending sleep, and all of them were things Alec didn't like.

But this time, Alec felt hope in Magnus' words. 

"Accept it," he whimpered.

"Shh," Alec hushed, holding Magnus' sweating head and running his fingers through his wet hair. "I'm here. Just relax."

Magnus' breath hitched, and he twitched, Alec feeling for him. He wondered if Magnus was in pain. Maybe not necessarily physical pain, but it was most likely emotional turmoil. 

Magnus had been in this position since Alec found him out cold in the potions room nearly two weeks ago. Alec had no idea how the warlock was even still alive, considering he hadn't eaten or had a drink since then. 

Catarina said it was his magic fighting to keep him alive, but if he hit four weeks, he wouldn't make it. And they were currently hitting the halfway point.

Jace had taken over at the Institute, Clary at his side, who apparently he was dating now. Simon had forgiven Clary, and they were best friends again. Isabelle had been staying here with Alec and Magnus, helping in any way she could.

Catarina had been in and out of the loft, unable to stop working at the hospital, but she cut her hours down to part time, so it wasn't so bad. 

All Alec needed was Magnus, and if he was still alive, then Alec was still fighting.

"Please..." Magnus whispered, shifting uncomfortably. Alec held him tighter. 

"It's okay. You're okay."

Alec noticed Magnus was growing limp, and when he stopped breathing, Alec felt panic run through his soul. He sat up, shaking Magnus. "Hey," he said.

"Magnus," he shook Magnus harder, who still wasn't reacting.

"By the Angel," Alec exhaled, running out of the room for Catarina.

...

Catarina was sitting in a chair drinking a bottle of whiskey when Alec ran in, hitting the door, gasping. She jumped, nearly dropping the bottle.

"Cat," he breathed out.

Catarina stood then, setting he bottle down. "Alec?"

"Cat, please..."

She strides to Alec, putting her hands on his shoulders. "What happened?"

Alec didn't speak for a moment, looking terrified. "He stopped breathing."

She couldn't move for few seconds, but then Alec pulled her, and she snapped out of it, running.

They were almost down the hall, and when they entered Magnus' room, they stopped. They couldn't believe it. They just couldn't believe it.

Magnus, who looked void of any expression, was standing in the middle of the room, staring at the ground.

Alec was breathing deeply, scared. "Magnus?"

Magnus slowly brought his gaze up to Alec's, but Magnus still didn't look very responsive. He only nodded, his mouth slightly open, blinking slowly.

"By the Angel, Magnus," Alec exhaled, running and pulling Magnus into his arms. 

Magnus wanted to wrap his arms around him back, but he couldn't move. He felt in shock, and cold. He knew he was out, but he couldn't comprehend anything. 

He was absolutely exhausted.

Alec finally pulled back, desperately trying to get them to lock gazes. "Magnus," he whispered, and Magnus finally matched his eyes, oh so very slowly. He looked lost, and confused. "Oh, baby, you're so tired."

Magnus blinked slowly, shivering. "Ale...ander..."

"Shh," Alec shushed, pulling him into his arms again. "It's okay. I'm okay, and you're okay."

Magnus began losing consciousness again, and he was falling limp, Alec picking up his knees and holding him bridal style. "Hey," he whispered. "Look at me, Magnus."

Magnus fluttered his eyes open with a struggle, barely keeping his grip on Alec's neck. "Just hold me..." it was close to a sob, and Alec felt his heart break.

Alec saw a tear slip through the corner of Magnus' eye, gently setting him back on the bed, crawling up and holding him tight. "I'm here," he said, running his thumb on Magnus' brow.

"I'll come check later," Catarina said, feeling like she didn't belong, looking st Magnus for a moment before she finally left the room.

Alec felt Magnus fall asleep on him, and Alec couldn't help but fall asleep too. The even breathing of his beautiful Warlock gave him the peace he needed in that moment.

He knew Magnus would have some problems, and he knew Magnus would have to talk about what he experienced. But they didn't have anything to worry about. Zane was dead, and Magnus was out of the curse.

They would be okay.

Everything would be okay.


End file.
